Even Gary Oldman's Mustache Can't Make Me Smile

Dear Christopher Nolan,

I saw Captain America today, and I finally discovered what I don’t like about your movies. They are not fun. Captain America was fun. I felt good watching it, even in the “dark moments.” It’s not that I expect comics, or comic book movies, to be cheerful romps through and through, but there’s also this little thing called depth. Complexity. Emotional layers. Not just sad and dark all the time. Am I getting my point across, or would you like me to pull out my thesaurus?

Yes, throwing a few jokes into the mix can lead to a certain amount of cheesiness in your film. I can’t count how many times in Captain America when Chris Evans flew or drove or punched his way through a room without getting hit by a single bullet. I swear, I could almost see the POWS and THWOKS superimposed every time he punched a Nazi super soldier in the jaw. Sure, Captain America was unrealistic and dopey at times, but do you know what it was NOT, Christopher Nolan?

1. Boring.
2. Broody.
3. Confusing.
4. Too long
5. Full of Katie Holmes.

So you can keep your dark, emo, tortured Batman, and I will keep my campy, brightly colored FUN Marvel comic movies.

Now, let me play the devil’s advocate to myself. Batman is about a guy who lost his parents to thugs. He’s a rich guy, who goes a little crazy being a vigilante. I can see where that storyline might make you want to play up these themes of “dark knights” who must sacrifice their own image for the sake of the stupid, innocent sheep of Gotham.

Now, let me play devil’s advocate to that devil’s advocate! The original Batman comics were as campy and cheesy and ridiculous as the rest!!! Do you remember the show with Adam West, Christopher Nolan? Do you?!?!? I believe I recall a joke about a ball point banana or something? I’m not saying they were good, I’m just saying, BATMAN DOES NOT HAVE TO BE EMO! In fact, comic book heroes can be both serious AND funny! You can use humor to lighten the mood, AND lull audiences into a sense of false security. Then, when something bad happens, it actually has an impact, and audiences actually give a crap about your characters! Shocking, I know.

And since I just saw it, let‘s use Captain America as proof of my argument. Starts off as a skinny, awkward nerdlington, then gets pumped full of magic juice by a zany German scientist! I’m laughing already. Captain America saves a bunch of people, looks really good doing it, says some cool lines, and he’s a hero! Weee! Next, Captain America gets his little wacky multi-ethnic team together, lots of laughs at their expense, ha ha ha etc. They win some battles, and the Captain delights us in some cheesy dialogue about not understanding women after his girlfriend tries to shoot him in the face. Then, after all that, something tragic finally happens, and we actually feel bad about it! Why? Because we haven’t been bombarded with sorrow and internal torment from the first second.

Maybe I should have just waited until you were asleep, Christopher Nolan, and Inceptioned this idea into your head. Or maybe I should just shut my trap since you’re the one sitting on a giant pile of money and acclaim and not me, but haters gotta hate. I left Captain America feeling excited and gleeful. Christopher Nolan, your Batman just brings me down.

Ironically, Heath Ledger, who was the only thing I did like about The Dark Knight, seemed to be trying to tell you the same thing. Why so serious?

Love,
Steinho