I Love You Mom and Dad, But...

I love “The X-Files.” If there were conventions for “The X-Files,” I would go, and probably find my husband there. Or maybe I could just find a way to marry the show itself. A guy in Japan married his avatar, so why not? The show lasted from 1993 to 2002, which for me was ages 10 to 19. Explains a lot, doesn’t it?

Thanks to the Ghost of Television Past, or as you know him, Netflix, I’ve rewatched some of my favorite episodes in the last couple months. Never would I have imagined the effect this would have on me. Along with the stories, each episode brought back memories of my own past. It was a little like post trauamtic stress syndrome, only without the horrible war flashbacks. So, instead of treating my roommate to a lecture on “The History of Steinho” every time I put the show on, I’ll torture you, my precious blogflowers, with five of my favorite episodes, personal life memories included.


1.) Jose Chung’s “From Outer Space.” April 2006

A science fiction writer interviews Mulder and Scully for his new novel about their latest case. The case in question involves teenagers abducted by government officials dressed like aliens, who in turn are abducted by real aliens.. My friends Sarah and Joey and I loved this episode so much, we recorded it onto a VHS tape, and then transcribed it into script format. You see, the plan was for us to act it out and film it. I think for a time we coerced my father into participating, until he realized it wasn’t a school project and just something us weird kids were doing for fun. I remember we talked Sarah’s older sister into acting out a few scenes before she had to leave for a date. I can almost picture her, standing in their driveway, dressed to go out and holding a giant plastic pink elephant over her head, pretending to be the alien Lord Kimbo. What a good sport!

2. Quagmire May 1996

Mulder and Scully investigate a Nessie-like sea beast. Numerous limbs and torsos are eaten, along with Scully’s dog Queequeg. First off, I am obsessed with Nessie, as witnessed by my loyal roommate who did not murder me from shame when I screamed for Nessie on the banks of Loch Ness. At the moment of Quagmire’s airing, I was thirteen years old. My mom was on a business trip to Hawaii. Not to be all childhood trauma on you, but up until high school, I really did not talk to my father, other than to get help with school projects (see previous episode). I dreaded my Mom leaving. Who would feed me? Who would tell me when to wake up in the morning? Who would I cry on if I had another puberty-enduced panic attack??? But by Friday night when “The X-Files” aired, I realized my fears were unjustified. I didn’t need my Mom to protect me anymore, and my father was far better at cooking than I could have imagined. Everything was going to be okay.

3. Bad Blood February 1998

Mulder and Scully each tell their side of what happened after Mulder accidentally stabs a seemingly innocent man with a wooden stake. Also featuring Luke Wilson as a buck-toothed Texas sheriff and the chubby red-headed kid from “The Sandlot” as an OCD vampire. I think the best part of this episode was how the agents describe each other in their own version of the story. Scully sees Mulder as a hyperactive spazz, while he sees her as a bitchy know-it-all. Yet, having watched the show for seasons, you know of course the two of them belong together. It was around this time that I was starting to realize that “The X-Files” had ruined me from ever having a normal romantic relationship, and not just because Fox Mulder was a dreamboat. Scully and Mulder were too busy fighting swamp monsters and circus freaks to care about sappy crap like romance. “The X-Files” showed me I did not want a husband. I wanted a Mulder.

4. Hungry Novemeber 1999

A young man working in a burger joint deals with self-esteem issues, not to mention his unhealthy addiction to eating brains. At this point, I was starting to realize that I would probably not get to lose my virginity to David Duchovny. After all, by the time I was legal, he’d be forty years old, and that was just gross. Fortunately, for me there was Chad E. Donella, the lead character of that week’s episode. In typical teen girl fashion, I went from not knowing who he was to writing love songs to him in a matter of days. This episode also happened to be pretty hilarious as well. There were several lines that my sister and I continued to quote to each other long after the fact. One of them was when a therapist refers to Peter Jennings as the most handsome man in the world. Because mocking the appearance of respected newscasters is always comedy gold.

The Truth - Series Finale - May 2002

Mulder defends himself for all the decisions he’d made in the pursuit of truth. While the episode itself was like a cliff notes of the entire show’s run, for those fans who had seen it through, it was a nice resolution. I can’t remember watching “The X-Files” very frequently in it’s last two seasons. This was partially due to going to college and suddenly having a social life. The real reason was because David Duchovny wasn’t on the show anymore, but I read he was coming back for the finale. Unfortunately, my college boyfriend called me about fifteen minutes into the episode. I spent the next thirty minutes fighting with him about why I was choosing to watch a stupid TV show over talking to him. A few years later, I finally watched the episode in it’s entirety. It was after I’d moved to LA, and somehow this was fitting. My favorite show, ushering me into my new life.

I could try to deny it, but the truth is, “The X-Files” became more than just a show to me. Mulder and Scully were incredible characters and after the show ended, I still wanted to spend time with them. I’d like to pretend that Scully is my aunt, and I can go and visit her and her life partner Mulder in their weird woodland cottage. They take me to haunted houses and on monster quests. Sometimes I almost die but mostly I just have a good time. Then one day, they will sit me down and say, “Amanda. We’re not really your aunt and uncle. We’re your parents.”

Like I said. I love “The X-Files.”

You say Manolo, I say liver eater, Let's call the whole thing off

Star date: Blog bloggy blog blog blog!

I was all ready to post about the Sex and the City movie, wondering why so many ladies were up in fury over this second installment in the cash cow known as Carrie Bradshaw a.k.a. Ferris Bueller‘s wife. Personally, I rather enjoyed the movie. It made me laugh more than a few times, and though I’m no clothes horse, or even a clothes pony for that matter, I still like looking at all the weird, flashy outfits they force onto these four unsuspecting females in exchange for large sums of money.

So what’s the hoopla all about? Another case of movie expectations gone awry? (See my review of Robin Hood.) In my case, after reading the towering inferno of dreadful reviews, my expectations couldn’t have been much lower without replacing the lead actresses with the cast of one of those teen pseudo reality shows that take place in Southern California. I left entertained and in high spirits, and wondering if Chris Noth’s patent on playing the role of wealthy, quasi-sleazy but still handsome and charming men had made its way through the U.S. Copyright office yet.

Only later did it strike me what might have so many fans upset, besides the fact that Johnny Corporate Moneybags was just looking to squeeze a few more pennies out of the franchise. Not being the girliest of girlies, and lacking that magical device of the ages known as Cable Television, I jumped on the Sex and the City bandwagon a smidge later than some. While I enjoyed all that I saw, and later caught up on all those episodes I missed one sleepless summer night in undergrad, I would be a whore-faced liar if I said the show changed my life.

But you know what show did change my life? What got me through my awkward teenage years, what gave me the basis for manly perfection by which I judge all other men, the show that I nearly threatened to break up with my first college boyfriend over because he wanted to chat on the phone during the series finale?

I’m talking about The X-Files.

No, seriously. It was a really good show. A show about sea monsters, and aliens with tons of sardonic humor, not to mention the most beautiful man who ever lived. Sorry, SATC fans, but Chris Noth is a bridge troll compared to David Duchovny. Okay, to young David Duchovny.

My point in this random nerd tangent, is that at the end of the day, it’s much easier for me to brush off a bad Sex and the City movie, because it didn’t mean that much to me. I didn’t know these characters like some did. In 2000, when David Duchovny left the show due to contract disputes with show creator Chris Carter and Fox Studios, I was genuinely irate. Why don’t you just throw acid on the Mona Lisa, Hollywood, because that’s what they did in my opinion. And replacing Fox Mulder with some old dude that played the villain in Terminator 2/Johnny Cash’s dad in Walk The Line? Are you kidding me? David Duchovny was carved from Grecian marble. Grecian marble covered in puppies and sunshine. I imagine that fans of Sex and the City are disappointed for the same reasons I was when they meddled with my precious, precious show. The producers/filmmakers/tiny men in top hats holding sacks of money with dollar signs chose to keep the show going, long after fans had already made their peace with its end. Think of it like digging up a corpse after the funeral.

Still, I stand by my opinion. It was a fun movie! Come on, they rode camels!!! Honest to goodness camels! What’s not to like?

As a final parting gift, I offer a bit of salve for those suffering from the SATC 2 blues. Not having read this particular book, I can’t vouch for its possible awesome or lameness, but its existence at the least, should offer a bit of hope.

It’s called “The Carrie Diaries,” and is written by the lady who started it all, Candace Bushnell. Instead of her current life in NYC, it focuses on her senior year in high school and while it still may be a stretch from the world fans know and love, (and minus a bit of the sex. It’s pegged as a young adult novel) reviews say it possesses all the same drama, spark and personality.

Even if it doesn’t, all things considered, it can’t be much worse than the movie.