Maybe the Lamp Fell In Some Plutonium

Today we celebrate a milestone in Steinho history. Exactly one year ago (minus roughly a week) I sat down in my living room in West Hollywood, the air conditioning blasting on me to combat the heinous desert heat of my poorly insulated apartment, and I scribbled out my very first blog post. Coincidentally, this happens to also be my fiftieth post. Feel free to send me some gold or something.

In honor of that day, April 29th, 2010, when I first threw my sack full of rubbish onto the ethereal heap that is the Internet, I shall return to the subject that started it all. The author that taught me how to use swear words in the third grade. The man responsible for, if not creating, at least contributing to my deranged imagination. Uncle Stevie himself.

By the way, I didn’t make that up. That’s how Stephen King often refers to himself. Sometimes I wish he was my uncle. Then again maybe not, because if I did finally get successful as a writer, everyone would always be saying, “Sure. That Steinho’s pretty good, but her uncle, now there’s a real writer! What‘ll he come up with next?”

I’ll tell you what he’s coming up with next. On November 8th of this year, Stephen King will release a book titled, “11/22/63.” Having been born in the eighties, this date initially meant nothing to me. Fortunately, a google search brought up a little synopsis. “11/22/63 is a story about a man who finds a time machine in a friend’s garage, uses it to go back and save JFK from being assassinated, and ends up creating a whole new life for himself in a bygone era.

There was a joke on the show “Family Guy” where Stephen King sits in an office with his editor. The editor asks what his next novel will be about. Stephen King scans the office, picks up a lamp, and says “It’s about a couple who is attacked by a lamp monster!” “You’re not even trying anymore,” the editor says, then with a sigh, “How soon can I have it?”

The sketch is half right. If Stephen King isn’t trying, it’s only because he doesn’t have to.
It’s always funny when you hear authors or actors or anyone who is kind of a big deal talk about their days before anyone gave a shit. Even Stephen King got his share of rejection letters before they gave him his scepter and little orb and crowned him god of horror fiction. If I ever get the chance to meet King, I’d like to know what ideas he just couldn’t sell, that the general masses of the publishing world found too crazy or macabre or weird. Because let’s be honest. Today, he pretty much could come up with an idea about a haunted lamp and it would sell. It would make it to the bestsellers wall.

Consider one of his last bestsellers, “Under the Dome.” The book came out in November of 2009. “The Simpsons Movie” came out in July of 2007. Both had pretty much the same premise. A small town is trapped under a big dome, and everyone starts acting like feral cats. King mentions in an author’s note at the end he originally came up with the idea back in 1976, but found the epic scale of the novel too daunting. Or mayhaps the good people at Simon & Schuster just weren’t ready yet for a story containing a brood of sadistic, triangle-faced alien children. It’s just further proof that King can take the same story as a ridiculous animated movie and turn it into something dark and chilling. When I said he doesn’t have to try, I didn’t just mean because people will always buy his books. King doesn’t have to try, because no matter how silly the notion, he’ll find a way to make it shine like a sack of gold coins with a dollar sign on the side.