I would never kiss another dude again.

On the whole, I have never been a fan of the 1970s. What’s to like? The ugly hair? The hideous pants? The horrendous cheesy music? Not to mention that crappy TV show they made about the seventies. You know, the one so cleverly named, that crappy TV show they made about the seventies. You know, the one so cleverly named, “That 70’s Show,” which unfortunately launched the careers of both Ashton Kutcher and Topher Grace. Sorry, Demi Moore, but your man boy husband makes my soul want to hurl.

Then along came Charles Burns with his comic series “Black Hole.”

Let me give you a bit of a taste of this so called graphic novel. It takes place in the 1970s. It’s about teenagers in high school. The kids smoke a lot of pot, and talk about sex. Good God, could this just be another boring, stupid druggie 1970s movie/TV-show that makes me want to gouge out my eyes???

What was that Charles Burns? Half the teens have contracted a STD that makes them mutants, and not the pretty Hugh Jackman kind, but hideous mangled mongoloids with pustules and antennae and extra limbs!!!

Okay, NOW I’m interested.

The story was intense, both bizarre and strangely relatable. I think what I loved the most about “Black Hole” is how these kids are all going about their normal lives. They worry about dates, drugs, parents, being popular, parties, and on top of all that, whether or not they might wake up with a third arm after making out with that kid in their science class. Not once does the text give you a flat out discussion of what this STD is, what causes it, etc. It’s just there, another problem the kids have to deal with.

You have to wonder, if all STDs had such obvious symptoms, would today’s teens still be such major tramps? Probably, yes. If dying, getting crippling diseases, or having a tiny human parasite grow in your stomach aren’t enough of a deterrent, then I doubt sprouting a tail would do the trick.

Did I mention there’s a forest society of diseased teens who live in tents? Again, it just blows my mind. What if all the kids who had herpes or gonorrhea were cast out of society, forget whether or not they are still minors or had any feasible ability to take care of themselves.

This is the sort of crap I could have written an English paper about in undergrad. Fascinating!

I’m no artist, so when it comes to comics or graphic novels, I can really only speak in terms of whether or not it looked cool, and the answer to that question is yes. And there were multiple racy parts.

And there’s nothing sexier than watching a girl who molts her skin like a snake get it on with a dude who has a mouth in the middle of his chest.

Because we all know, that's exactly what people did in the 1970s.