I'd Forget My Dead Husband Too.

Dear Bloggypants,

I know a blog posting when I see one, and this needed to be said.

Okay, haters. What were you expecting? Gladiator all over again? Well, you shouldn’t have hired Brian Helgeland to write your script then.

Seriously, it could have been a lot worse. Trust me, I know. Do you know how many dopey cheestasic Robin Hood ‘retellings’ there are in the literary world? More than I want to talk about. Just to keep this blog post consistent with all my previous blog posts, I’ll toss in the name of one such not so great version of Robin Hood, simply titled “Hood” by Stephen R. Lawhead. Here’s a little synopsis so we can get back to talking about Russell Crowe. Basically, this author just took the same characters, slapped some y’s in their names to make them Welsh, and went about his business. Let’s get about ours.

So you wake up one morning and your father-in-law decides it’s best for the whole family to marry the son of an old friend, just so you can keep your 5000 acres. Because your real husband, his son, is now dead. What? Junior’s dead? Better get one of my friend’s kids to pretend to be him! Sound like a bad deal to you? Apparently it doesn’t to Cate Blanchett because that’s what happens in this Robin Hood version. To be fair, she now gets to make out with Russell Crowe. A lot.

Again, I just want to ask the question. What were you expecting disappointed critics and movie goers? The movie had a TON of great action scenes, way more than your precious “Iron Man 2.” There were fights in a forest, fights in a village, sieges on multiple castles. Even a huge epic fight ON A BEACH! And by the way, Cate Blanchett must own her own set of female chain mail by now, considering how often she wears it in movies.

I admit Brian Helgeland is not known for his moving and realistic dialogue. This movie had more cheese than the Craft Service spread during filming. BUT, it also had a delightful band of friends, including a sassy redhead and Mark Addy. Sound like any other Brian Helgeland movie you know, one with knights, and a really good looking Australian lead????? Hmm??? I think it had Knight in the title??? Well guess what, nay sayers! I loved that movie too, cheesy crap dialogue and all!!!

I’m not telling you to go see this film. I loved it, but I love crap like this. I love sword fighting, and horses, and castles, and rolling English landscapes, and old fashioned costumes and Russell Crowe in tights, hitting on fine ladies like Cate Blanchett. I love pub songs, and drunken British men. Or drunken men singing in British accents. Both are good.

If you like any of the above, you will enjoy this movie. All I can say is this. It was less boring than “Iron Man 2.”

Now who is the hater? Revenge is mine.

(Evil laughter.)