The Sassy Dwarf is the Selling Point

What is this “Game of Thrones,” you’ve been hearing about, sweet nerds? Well, you probably already know, so this post is for those of you so-called “popular” people out there who are wealthy enough to afford premium channels on HBO.

The short answer is that it’s nerd cocaine. To elaborate, “A Game of Thrones,” is a new fantasy series airing on HBO on April 17th and is based on the novel of the same name, written by George R. R. Martin. Apparently if you want to get anywhere in the fantasy literature world, you have to include at least two initials in your name, preferably R’s. Think about it.

This series was first brought to my attention by a former coworker, a beefy Russian chap named Eugene who worked with me at the bookstore. I always liked Eugene for several reasons. For one thing, he told me inappropriate jokes whenever customers made me want to walk in front of a trolley. Also, I knew if ever I was to be sucked into a magical portal to the medieval age, and needed to establish some sort of traveling fellowship, not only would Eugene have the strength to heft a war hammer, but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be bogged down by any misgivings as to using said weapon to crack a man’s skull open. Plus he had really good taste in books.

There was a story Eugene often told to customers whenever he’d recommend them “A Game of Thrones.” Apparently, the TV industry had been trying to lure George R. R. Martin into giving up his book rights for years, ever since the first novel got acclaim back when it was published in 1996. No dice, Martin would say. You’ll never do it right, Martin lamented. And then a little thing called Rome happened. Not the empire, the HBO show starring Kevin McKidd and Ray Stevenson, who by the way, I once met as an intern and had to pretend I didn’t know for fear of geeking out like a school girl. I handed him a water bottle and he said, “Cheers!”

Back to Rome. It only lasted two seasons because they basically had to build a mini version of the city. It was huge and expensive, but it looked amazing, and people really responded to it. Martin also responded to it. The next time a fan asked him, would you ever allow “A Game of Thrones” to be adapted, he said something like “Only if it was made by the people who made Rome.” HBO called Martin the next day. Or so the legend goes…

If you’ve ever been inside a bookstore, you know there’s a whole fantasy section, and you can imagine the repetitive drivel that coagulates there. I think anyone who loves the subject matter has at one time or another held delusions of contributing their own vision to the steaming pile. I know I have! The obvious question is, what makes George R. R. Martin’s books better than the rest?

Well, for starters, he’s not afraid to murder main characters in horrible yet interesting ways. Also, his characters are not whiny. Or at least most of them aren’t. There was one princess I would have liked to see decapitated and covered in tar (which does happen to someone) but for the most part, the characters were incredibly likable and, shall we say, not clones of Aragorn son of Arathorn. Plus there’s a sassy dwarf, who in the HBO series will be appropriately played by Peter Dinklage. Who doesn’t love a sassy dwarf? It has all the rest of the stuff nerds usually require too, i.e. mysterious, wild people beyond a giant ice wall in the north, a girl who may or may not possess magical dragon powers, and enough kings and lords stabbing each other in the eye to satiate the most unquenchable nerd lust.

So there’s the long answer.